On track

I've been getting up early for the last week and a half. It all started with the "fall back". Instead of sleeping in I just woke up that much earlier. The trip to the airport at 3am last week I'm sure did not help. I went to bed around 10pm on Wednesday night (skipping "Lost" by the way...don't worry, I taped it) and waking around 2:30 am. I stayed up the whole day and went to bed at 11 that night. Still, I woke up really early. So I decided to start going down to the track at MJC.

Now, I did a stint at the track earlier this year which many of you will remember resulted in my knee not working for a while and my doctor laughing at me and while shaking his head saying, "You tried to run?! Let me settle it for you for all of time, you are NOT a runner." Then after giving me some ibuprofin he sent me on my limping way saying something about the pain being a good teacher for me.

Ok, so I'm not a runner. I just assumed I was. I got close to being able to go a mile when I blew out my knee. So I'm a walker. I like the track. It's much better than walking through a neighborhood. For one, the track gives way. Concrete is unforgiving. What I like most about it is that the 12 or so people there when I am there are all there for the same thing. Everyone is huffing. Everyone is trying to improve and no one is looking down at you.

In a neighborhood, the runners are all sending a silent message..."I'm totally better than all you lazy, fat people still in bed!" Ok, maybe that's unfair to say but it feels true. I was walking along a neighborhood road a couple of years ago when a car drove by and some guy inside felt the need to stick his head out the window and say, "You'll never lose weight, Fat %#$!" Wow. What a life that guy must lead. Just driving around discouraging others. "Oh yeah! well...you'll never be...er...nice?"

I was just about to write "I can never think of a good comeback when I need one" when I realized that this entry could very quickly turn in to a Ziggy comic. So I'll just sum up by saying we're out there in the mornings...there's the older lady who runs circles around me, the really skinny girl who floats by me on the wind, the "plus size" lady who looks so determined it's scary, the guy who looks like he's beating on the devil up every time he comes back down the stadium steps, the friends who are strolling and talking, ipod girl and me...the fat "you know what" huffing along resolved (one more time again) to prove that idiots in cars are wrong.

Awesome!  I'm blogging in a widget!  If you don't know what a widget is then you're just not in the know.  You wouldn't understand...it's a Mac thing.  Ok, that was awful but it's true.

Discipline before delight

In my last blog, I mentioned that our YWAM computer had died and I am very happy to tell you that a generous supporter has donated not one but two new computers to our team! We are blown away. So, no more excuses for not posting...

I was thinking today about my younger years in Youth With A Mission. In the fervor of joining a missionary group, there is much new excitement and feelings of spiritual intensity. You can tend to get a bit ahead of yourself. It seems our mission's strength is that we put young people out on the field right away. The energy of youth and the zeal of fresh experience with God is a wonderful propeller for the gospel message.

Our mission's weakness is that we put young people out on the field right away. Without the temperance of wisdom and study sometimes things do not go great. I've seen both of these in action...many times on the same outreach!

I remember a speaker that came through our training campus down in Texas and he spoke to all of us about having grace for ourselves and one another. He talked about not beating yourself up if you miss a day or so of personal prayer time. And then he said something that really sticks with me to this day...personal prayer must be a discipline before it becomes a delight.

This is right where I am 15 years later. Having grace for myself after missing the mark on daily prayer and scripture reading and coming to the understanding that it will not just happen magically. I have to make space for it. Discipline is purposefully killing our laziness...the tendency to let down.

Something we've been saying a lot lately is that it's OK to have an off day every now and again, we're going to live forever. But you can't let your off days pull you along. With your spirit tuned to God's Spirit, you must tell you mind to let your emotions and your body know just who is in charge. With grace for the times we fall short, we must throw off our laziness and get to it. Our time here is short and there is much to do.

Play by play...

Well, it’s back to some old ways. Here’s a recent play by play…

We moved the first of this month. Both YWAM Modesto families live in Salida now as housing at our church became unavailable. So we moved. That has “busy” ramifications of it’s own. We like our new place. We live with Aaron near Modesto Christian school in Salida. It’ll do for now. We are content.

Last weekend, we had family here…Amie’s brother and sister-in-law from Oregon. They were here for Amie’s grandma’s 90th birthday party! They all stayed with us. We had a lot of fun staying up way too late, eating Thai food and solving all the world’s problems.

Last Friday at the last minute, our friend John came through town with his Discipleship Training School (DTS) team from YWAM Bishop, CA. They are a wilderness DTS learning discipleship principles and outdoor survival techniques. It’s pretty cool and John is flourishing. They came through to BBQ with us down on 9th St. and spend the night at church. We had a sweet little BBQ cooking for our friends down in the motels, hanging out with them and praying for people. It was awesome to see this team go for it with their witness and just pouring out love.

Monday, we had another team arrive from down in southern California to host a “night of missions” at New Hope. This was also kinda last minute but a great time. This team is YWAM as well and all they do is travel the states and Canada to promote missions in churches. They are independent of any “base” and are truly representing all of YWAM when they are on the road. They toured our city and we shared our heart with them for the poor of Modesto. We worshiped God and prayed together on 9th St and again, this team just went for it…crying out to God to change our city and bless the poor.

And this week, horror of horrors…our computer totally died! Like dead dead. Ahhh! So, I will not be too terribly internetty for a while. I am stealing time on Marge’s computer at the moment in the wee small hours of Monday morning to blog and catch up on email.

So, that’s that. Change is in the air. Please pray with us…we have some fairly heavy stuff going on in the life of our church community and our family, we have much work to do to, we have some specific needs as far as support and whatnot go and we need a computer. But “life is an adventure to be lived, not a problem to be figured out” and even hardship is an invitation to run deeper into the heart of God.

The Shiva is done for

The Shiva Motel is all but shut down here in Modesto. The place got condemned by the county who looked the other way at this filthy, run down place for way too long. The oppressive management has charged people ridiculous rents to live in squalor, taking advantage of the fact that many are willing to pay high rents for shelter if they don’t have to pay first and last and a deposit.

Most of our friends there have found new places to live...better places...not much better but better. We went and visited one friend in his new digs yesterday. It’s a small studio apartment complex on 9th Street. Others have moved to the airport district and still others to different motels.

Please pray for the displaced, dysfunctional community that lived at the Shiva. A horrible season has ended for them. We are privileged that we were able to meet these folks and be a part of their lives. Their tenacity humbles me. We are still in touch with some of them in their new locations. Pray the kids do well in new schools and new places and that we can manage keeping in touch and stay faithful to friendship in a new way.

Er...um...

Yesterday I realized that there is something wrong with me. I can sing the entire theme song of America’s Funniest Home Videos from the early 90’s and the Facts of Life theme, Differ’nt Strokes, Gilligan’s Island, The Brady Bunch and most of the theme to Muppet Babies but I have not memorized the Apostle’s Creed. I’ll get right on that. wow.

It's starting to rain

The Autumnal equinox was September 23rd but today is the real first day of Fall. The clouds have been gathering for a couple of days now and the sky finally cracked a bit this afternoon. Nights have been getting cooler and the wind is picking up.

Change is in the air too. My community is having a bit of a “heart equinox”. We moved this week to a house in Salida. We’ve been blessed with a new (er) car. Our season living at the church has come to an end. A good friend is dealing with the joy and sadness of his grandfather passing. Some truly wonderful people in my life are facing unjust accusation and the sting of petty, uncaring betrayal. This is a bittersweet time.

This is a time when I just want the people in my life to know I love them. Once in a while, the dumb stuff disappears from view and you sink down to the essentials. Good relationships, good, honest work and Jesus. Have you ever just been so hungry for him? I mean the real Jesus. Perhaps my advent season is starting a little early because my heart cries out for Emmanuel. How long, O Lord? Don’t let us miss the point.

Our 4th BBQ

A great BBQ yesterday (which was Sunday, Sept. 24). We had about 150 folks out to our church from the downtown community and we all enjoyed a delicious tri-tip meal together. For you easterners, tri-tip is an excellent little cut of beef sort of in the shape of a triangle that everybody uses out here (especially our lovely taco trucks...mmmmm!). What I love about this annual event is how much more “family” oriented is has become. It was virtually stress free.

Every year, we shuttle our homeless friends from downtown out to the church. Last year a local car dealer provided us with big vans to do it. That fell through this year and nothing else surfaced no matter how hard we tried to find something. In the end, we felt convinced that we just give the problem to God, so we did and the body of Christ came through with plenty of donated vehicles.

Also, we had a bunch of ice donated from our local icery...whatever they’re called but we were not aware that we had to get it at a certain time. We were too late. Again, no panic, just go with it. My friend Josh and I went up to the supermarket and the manager just gave us 140 lbs. for free! So awesome.

The first year was all about the event and it went great. The next year was about political action and from that came the salvation army shelter at 9th and D. last year was really small as we planned our event on the same day as the now defunct “international festival”. This year was just right...a good group of people happy to be together, sharing music, food, scripture, prayer and fun. That’s the kind of stuff I love to be a part of.

Thank you

It’s been a week since Stella’s surgery. Last Wednesday and Thursday were the longest days of our life so far...especially the time that the surgeon had our girl. We have had a lot of grace on us. Stella did fine. Her mouth is healing and her pain is decreasing. We have another few doctor’s visits coming up to check her progress.

Thank you, friends, for your prayers, help with our boys, help with food and kind, encouraging words. Nothing can compare to the support of God’s family in times of trouble.

Grab Bag

Family Photo - Well, this one’s pretty good. We had a hard time getting all of us to look at the camera with appropriate looks on our face but I think we did ok. Our digital camera is not the greatest. I always go for the cheaper version and then get mad at myself later. Grrr.

Youth Evangelism - Our youth group, along with 6 other area youth groups and Youth For Christ, hosted a youth evangelism training day this past Saturday. It was great! We had about 80 student leaders come out for a day of training and fun with YFC’s own Fred Lynch...formerly of PID!!!! You know...PID...Preachers In Disguise! The late 80’s and early 90’s groundbreaking Christian rap group. He was a great communicator and he still raps...he’s working on “The Epic” which is a rap translation of the whole gospel of John...chapter for chapter, verse for verse. He did some of it and it was, in this non-rap liking, white guy’s opinion, awesome.

Newly Homeless - Our friend, who has been comfortably and cleanly living in his sister’s back yard in a small camper surrounded by a tall, private fence was kicked out of his trailer by our city’s government a few weeks ago. Here we are with one of the highest percentages of homelessness in the Western U.S. and we choose to put another person out on the streets. Modesto would rather him be homeless than safe. What a solution, eh? He’s sleeping where ever he can find a place instead of in his own bed. Let’s here it for beurocracy!

Stella - our baby’s surgery is coming up this Thursday. We are trusting and stressed all at once. Please pray for her.

Jury Duty - I waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited. And then they sent me home. The parties reached a settlement. Hooray. They do make jurors as comfy as possible...internet connected computers, free phones, snack bar, cable TV going and a quiet room to read in. I got a lot of reading done.

MAI - I finally finished a book today I’ve been working my way through for a while called “Multiplying Salt and Light”...it’s the story of the development of CHE (Community Health Evangelism), an integrated approach to medical missions focusing on prevention of disease and disciplining individuals to take ownership of their own solutions while sharing the gospel. Some really good stuff and the sole strategy of Medical Ambassadors International, a global mission based right here in Modesto.

9/11 - Today is September 11. I don’t really know how to mark this day in my internal self yet. Right now, we are letting the media take the lead in how to treat this day and I don’t think I really like that as so much of what they do is divisive and ratings/money centered.

And the war continues as well...so many confusing voices and so much loss. It’s overwhelming to try to take it all in.

A soldier who just came back from Iraq was at our church on Sunday. Our congregation thanked him for his service. His parents and wife are so happy he’s home safe. Thank God.

Amie heard a story on TV about a woman who lost her husband on 9/11 and is now raising money to help the poorer than poor women of Afghanistan who have lost their families. That’s all the way forgiveness. It’s beautiful. It reminds me of Jesus.

The city is a clique

Amie and I just spent a day in San Francisco under the gracious hospitality of our fellow YWAMers there. We had to go in for some testing for Stella prior to her surgery (which is next Thursday the 14th). She was a trooper and we had some fun there too. Good curry...mmmm!

But I noticed something about cities. If you are an outsider, it can be like entering into a clique. You know what i mean? A group of people that all know each other and what’s going on. They do not have a lot of patience for outsiders...people who do not know their ways. Figuring out the transit system was a hoot! We rode in on BART and used MUNI to get around. Wow, quite the adventure.

At one point we got on the wrong train and realized it after about 10 minutes but then the driver just stopped the train in the middle of an unknown part of the city and made all of us get off without explanation then he took off in the opposite direction leaving us all on our own! Even the locals were stupefied!

A kind/gruff woman at the same time helped us find our way to the right train. In fact, every time we came up to something we didn’t know how to do, there was a bit of frustration and then a kind soul would reach out to us and help us on our way. Just like in any group of friends there is usually someone who is watching the periphery to see if there’s someone else that can be included and tries to make the new comer feel welcome...that’s usually the case... I hope I’m that for others. And then there’s the group that is just full of jerks...which can happen and at that point, they all deserve each other.

An old-fashioned burnin'

This past week, a good friend of mine did a courageous thing. He dealt ruthlessly with things in his life causing him to toy around with sin. In 2 Chronicles, King Hezekiah did a similar thing in Judah. He took all the objects of false worship and tore them down throughout his country. That’s what my friend did.

In these times it might be funny to think about those days around campfires with the youth group and everyone throwing in their rock and roll tapes and LPs but this was not an emotional response of fear. This was a calculated obedience. It was such a privilege to be there and a challenge.

Is there anything unhealthy that I am holding on to?

“...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” Hebrew 12:1

This is in the abstract and in the actual...throw off every THING that hinders AND the sin. Our junky attitudes and stuff have got to go if we’re going to get on with real life.

Hmm...

It is precisely the illusion that mechanical progress means human improvement that alienates us from our own being and our own reality. It is precisely because we are convinced that our life, as such, is better if we have a better car, a better TV set, better toothpaste, etc., that we condemn and destroy our own reality and the reality of our natural resources. Technology was made for man, not man for technology. In losing touch with being and thus with God, we have fallen into a senseless idolatry of production and consumption for their own sakes. We have renounced the act of being and plunged ourselves into process for it's own sake. We no longer know how to live, and because we cannot accept life in it's reality, life ceases to be a joy and becomes an affliction. And we even go so far as to blame God for it! The evil in the world is all our own making, and it proceeds entirely from our ruthless, senseless, wasteful, destructive, and suicidal neglect of our own being.

Thomas Merton

Summer highlights

Time to get back to bloggin' My good acquaintance, Phil has unknowingly put some fire under my tail...Good as I feel a kindred spirit...Acquaintance cause I don't know him all that well. We work in the same Mission and see each other about once every two years. His blog is refreshingly short, sweet, original, to the point and thought provoking. I always feel the need to write these huge epistles so the thought of writing overwhelms me. So there we go. Help me people. Let me know if you're reading.

This summer has been great and a bit too full. Huge full, but that's ok...we made it. Some highlights...

Thailand...read more details on previous posts but what a beautiful country. The people and culture taught me so much. It was great to experience freedom like we do not have here in the USA. Life is not outrageous there (it has it outrageous spots but on the whole...). It was, I don't know, a bit more simple. Less ridiculous.

Fireworks...well, we lived through running a 6 day fireworks fundraiser right after Thailand. It was hot, tiring work. I know way too much about morning glory sparklers and Mad Dog fountains. The best memory is preaching to the traffic out on the Dale Rd side walk about the wonders of fireworks in the southern black preaching tradition..."I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT FIREWORKS! ARE YOU READY FOR AN EXPLOSION TONIGHT!!" Oh yeah, and when Josh and John taped fireworks to their bodies and we lit them while playing the hallelujah chorus.

Hosting Teams...we had a Canadian youth group come and be with us to help us in our work here with the homeless. This team completely re-made our friends room who stays at a residential motel...new paint, sheets, everything clean, DVD player, cooking supplies, etc. It was awesome! We also worked with some local groups as well to BBQ for our friends on 9th St and in Chavez park.

Marine World...we got to take the kids for a couple of days to the theme park. The park was fun. Amie and Josh got to touch a dolphin and feed him. We walked through their beautiful butterfly room, saw sharks, a killer whale and loads of other animals but our most fun time was at the hotel, in the pool. Go figure. Oh and I only had one Clark Griswold moment when I realized how much park food costs!

Finding the homeless church...There is a really cool man in our town that runs a church meeting for the homeless at Legion park every Sunday. He feeds a meal, shares the word and loves the heck out of his congregation. It so nice in this horrible system to actually find people that make sense. A sight for sore eyes.

Modesto Nuts...I finally saw them play. The team name is the Nuts. They lost. It was awesome. I'm going back. I bought a hat that says Modesto Nuts with the mascots on it...Wally the Walnut and Al the Almond.

YWAM West Coast Conference...this we just got back from. It was 4 days of refreshing, re-visioning and remembering some basics. It was great to worship with a bunch of crazy YWAMers again, see and make friends and just relax for a bit. Chidcare was provided so Amie and I could attend some things together. It was a really good time. We were also made an official YWAM location by our regional leadership. Many gathered around us to pray and speak blessing over our work and life here in the valley.

Well, I did it again. I wrote a big thing. I'll be brief next time, I swear.

Are we connected?

Well, I haven’t written since I got back from Thailand. I don’t know if anyone out there is really reading anymore but I thought I’d put something down. I know there’s a few.

I started my “myspace” account to help me keep in touch with people. “myspace” is a good idea. I think it’s an idea that’s dying...still really popular but it has been bought by a corporation and has that feel of big business trying to cash in on cool. Like the kids who buy the Ramones t-shirts at “hot topic” in the mall and do not own a Ramones album or even are really familiar with their music. I feel like the curve has arced and myspace will go down.

These ads get really annoying for one. I know they have to sell ad space but how many times do I have to be asked if I like naughty or nice? And pictures of scantily clad women, showing cleavage with a vacant look in their eyes do not appeal. It’s getting old. So I don’t check my “myspace” too often.

Then there’s the issue of being able to see the real lives of people I know. The internet is funny. I know people that are so open...wide open online and can barely talk to you in person. I just read a blog from a friend that was so deeply intimate and personal yet face to face, they can hardly look you in the eye. This can’t be right.

I can’t help but think that all these ways of keeping in touch has or will only serve to lead us farther away from real relationships. It seems like people don’t know how to talk to one another anymore. Our culture is a bit absurd. Heavy doses of sarcastic humor only serve to drive us away from one another. I feel like many of us have forgotten how to be human.

Have we forgotten how to look someone in the eye? To say “Hello”? To say “sir” or “mam”? A couple of week ago while working out in the community I called someone “sir”. His friend laughed out loud at me and told me it was ridiculous to call him sir. I was stunned!

I know I’m a blessed son of a dying breed. I don’t take it lightly that many did not or do not grow up with the blessings I had. I had the great privilege of growing up in a home with Christian parents...my father taught me to look people in the eye. He taught me the value and art of knowing how to speak to people. He taught me that all people have dignity. It the same thing I’m working on with my sons.

Some kids I know, all they hear is coarse, vulgar or sarcastic language. Or we puff up and hold the rest of the world in an egocentric view...everyone besides us and our little circle is stupid and a joke. No fathers to teach or dumb ones that abuse with language or worse leads to a generation that seeks comfort in like associations (not real relationships) and pain killers like alcohol, drugs and non-committed sex. We are a generation that speaks about emotions we don’t even know if we feel or not. We regurgitate trite emotional language that we hear on TV hoping that we’re not missing life. We are.

My life and family are not perfect. I am not on a high horse here. We’ve struggled and gotten it wrong. We’ve been short sighted and hurtful. We have missed the mark. My life is not free of pain. We have been through sickness, rocky finances, bad decisions and death. We have been angry and misunderstanding. But we have held on.

Whatever your circumstance, you do not have to live and act beneath it. You can live and find your way with dignity. Can we let go of “put down” humor and over sarcastic attitudes? Can we find a way to work hard where we are at...to serve and do a good job, the best we know how to do? In humility, can we admit that there are still things we need to learn? What about practice...can we handle not being good at something and take on the discipline of practice to get better and see progress? Can we try new things that make us vulnerable? Can we afford to not look cool? Can we be silly and have fun without hurting others and ourselves? Can we say “I’m sorry, I was wrong, I love you.”? Can we shut up and be interested in others? Yes, we can...we just have to drop our pride. And even all this “I’m so weak and tragic” stuff is pride. False humility is pride. Turning the focus on you is pride.

My father was an elementary and university teacher and a piano player. My mother was a secretary. My grandfather was a farmer and iron worker and my grandmother was a homemaker and a good southern cook. They were not great people. But they knew and practiced great things. Can I pass the good advise I know on to you?

From my Dad...look people in the eye and speak up. Speak to them with respect. Give them your eyes and be interested in them. Listen. Give.

From my Mom...if you’re going to do something, do it right or do not do it at all. When you find out you’re aggravating someone, stop. Sacrifice.

From my Grandfather...work hard, be faithful, do not give up. Speak to strangers, be friendly, make children happy, enjoy right now.

From my Grandmother...love unconditionally. Serve. Learn the old ways. Read the Bible and pray early in the morning.


This is my inheritance, I pray I live it well.

A week in Thailand

Some of you have said you like it when I do this...so for lack of a more creative I idea, here's an overview of my week in Thailand...

Friday night, the 16th, I left to join our team already here. I skipped through 2 days as Thailand is 14 hours ahead of Pacific time...so Friday night in California is sometime Saturday morning in Thailand. The flight took me through Guam, Manila, Bangkok and finally, Chang Mai...a large city in the north. I arrived Sunday evening pretty rested as I lived on Thailand time for my whole flight (which reduces the effects of jet lag). Like, if it's not time to eat in Thailand, you pass on the meal...if it's not time to sleep, you stay awake. It really helped! I found the team in good spirits and tackling a job we had no idea we would be doing.

Monday the 19th was right into the fray...the previous week, our team had been helping at the Home of Joy, a YWAM ministry that takes in at risk kids (abandoned or orphaned) and gives them a real family environment to live in. Our friend Kathleen and her staff serve these kids with a beautiful commitment. Her kids that of school age go to a Christian school called "The vineyard". Our new friend Tuk is the pricipal there and she is a wonderfully spirited lady. There is no holding her back when she gets an idea.

Tuk's heart is to see Thai children develop a love for reading. It's not really a part of the culture for kids to read a lot or for parents to read to their children. Tuk felt her school should have a library. They had no money. One day, while listening to the radio, she heard Thailand's king encouraging citizens to return to simple living and environmentally friendly ways of building. That's when she had the idea to build a mud library...a library completely made of mud...mud walls, shelves, furniture. So, her and her church and school staff began the work.

Tuk's husband is the overseer of Methodist missions in Thailand and Singapore and they are getting ready to spend a couple of years in California at Fuller seminary for him to have further training. Before they leave, Tuk's heart is to see the library done, so she prayed months ago for help to finish it. So here come some crazy people from Modesto that have no idea how to build a mud anything but we quickly learned...sort of and have been plugging away at it all week. Mixing mud like the children of Israel in Egypt, preparing the walls for shelving, doing some of the shelving work, sawing, chiseling, cleaning and scraping. It's been awesome!

I'll write about other parts of the trip later but it is really neat to see how faithful God is...our goals were to serve at risk children in Thailand and God sent us to the Home of Joy. We wanted to find one or two small ministries to serve and partner with in the future and we were sent to a little orphanage and Christian school. We wanted to address our passion to see the "sex industry" of Thailand end...more on that later...but here's these kids, some of them born to prostitutes being cared for by God's people and then here's this school that wants to shape the leaders of tomorrow by providing Christian education and God let us be a part of it all! Not just us, but all those back home who helped us come (we were able to provide the first 100 books to the library!) and all those who have been praying for us, this has been a particularly blessed time. And now we can look forward to our new Thai friendships developing as Tuk and her family will be in California for 2 years and we have more ways to continue to help the Home of Joy!

God loves this stuff and it's such a privilege to see him join hearts and visions together over a huge expanse of distance and culture. He seems to love mixing his kids up with each other so that we can help each other do the stuff of his Kingdom. There's nothing better than that.

I'm a goin'

Well, just stealing a couple of blogy minutes this morning before my big ole day. Later tonight, I fly to Thailland...farther away than I have ever been and longer away from Amie and the kids during our marriage. It’s gonna be hard but I am also excited to go and experience what God is doing in Thailand. It’s an epic flight! I guess some of you will have been to Asia before but I have not. I, like the team before me, change planes in Guam. Guam! Have you ever seen Guam?! It’s like a tiny dot on the globe out in the middle of Pacific ocean nowhere. How did people ever even get to Guam? Well, I’m goin’.

This has been a difficult process to get this team to Thailand. Three of our original members did not make it due to circumstances. We did not get the money that we’d hoped for but we did get just enough. We’re squeaking by but I got a good chunk to take with me today so that’s good. The tickets were a bear to secure. We had ‘em then we didn’t then we did and didn’t then at the last minute we got some and scraped one more in there...me. So I’m going.

Please pray for this last bit of the trip, that I can be an encouragement to the team leader...a good support on the final push. Pray that we all get home safely and for the teams continued health. Pray that we get done what God has purposed for us to accomplish and that we can build on that work in future fund raising, trips and projects.

Kentucky

May began in April as toward the end of the month I had to make quick plans to travel to Kentucky to see my Dad. He has a dementing illness that as yet has not been diagnosed and it became necessary for him to move out of his apartment and into my sister’s home where she can care for him better. These decisions are tough as you struggle to trade your Father’s dignity for his safety.

It was a good visit. I was able to help get his room ready and do basic care for him to free my sister up to do all the business stuff of moving someone. It’s a lot of work but her load will be cut in half by having him in the house.

Dad knows that things are not the same. When I hurt my knee, it changed my options...I had to compensate for the pain by walking differently, being more careful and making different choices. It did not change who I am. My Dad’s brain is hurt but he is still the same man. He has to make different choices, not all the same options are available to him but he is still loving, giving, funny and one of the best music teachers Kentucky ever saw.

My sister drove me two hours to Louisville to catch my evening flight home so we went early to do a whirlwind memory tour starting with lunch with my Aunt ‘Nita and cousins Dee dee and Timmy. They are awesome and have been their crazy life has been the cause of much laughter in my family through the years. Recent revelations have been that my Aunt fell some weeks ago...she tripped over her dog in her apartment...who was dead...the dog I mean. The list geos on...we had a good visit and laughed a lot.

We all went over to my childhood home that is for sale for a tour. We sold it last year to an investor that fixed our old southern home up and is selling it for big profit. It is so beautiful and really different. My Mom (who died 6 years ago) would have loved the new kitchen. During the estate sale last year, a woman found a collectable angel figurine behind the chimney. She brought it to my sister who recognized it as one of my Mom’s favorites. In the fury of the sale we lost it again. Just as we were coming out of the kitchen and into the living room, my sister spotted that little angel on Dad’s old book shelf. The realtor let my sister have it.

We visited Mom’s grave and chased more memories by visiting my old high school, our grandparents home and our childhood church out in the country before taking me to the airport.

Have you ever been overwhelmed trying to process the changes in your life? This really hit me last week and I don’t think I can make sense of it all. It seems like I’ve lived too much already but I know there’s so much more to come. My life in Kentucky feels a world away from Texas, Canada and California...and different worlds, friends and epic and mundane experiences in-between. Who know what’s ahead? Not me but I’m hanging on to see how this story ends. But deep down I know that it doesn’t end. We go on. “Further up and further in” as C.S. Lewis says and that gives me a little more peace to just do what I can now...whatever’s ahead. The next right thing. The next good thing. To be faithful today.

“...seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Being there

Our Thailand team watched a good movie at our last meeting called “Born into Brothels”. It follows a photographer, Zana Briski, into the red light district of Calcutta. She became friends with the women that prostitute themselves there and especially their children. Naturally, she moves from photographer to social worker as she is touched by the lives of these children. She tries to help them get into school, gives them cameras and photography lessons herself and ends up being a catalyst for change in a few of them.

Haughty western wisdom would find fault in this woman’s desire to help these children as best as she can saying something like “well that’s these children’s life and we shouldn’t interfere.” The movie is a great human story though as you see her just have to try something...anything.

The pictures of these children reminded me of pictures I took this past friday down at our 9th Street motels. There has been an unusually high influx of children into this “neighborhood”. Children running around unattended, dirty, ignored and so hungry for healthy attention.

We’ve dreamed a lot about what we could do if one of these motels was ours. How we could use it for transitional housing and programs for the kids. A few weeks ago, we felt a challenge to not wait until it was “ours” but to just act like it’s ours now.

A couple of weeks ago, Jimmy loaded a lawn mower in the van, Mary and Leah bought some sidewalk chalk and bubbles at the dollar store, we took what food we had and spent the afternoon acting like the Shiva motel was ours. The minute we pulled up, a couple of the girls ran toward us waving new Bibles in the air asking us to have a Bible study with them. With the smell of fresh mowed grass in the sunny air, we played, read the Bible and laughed together.

This last week, the owner of the motel gave us permission to plant a community garden in the back of his motel. We also got to take a family of 7 out for a birthday dinner at Chuck E. Cheese. And we have heaps of vision for the future.

Back to the film, one thing that came to me about Ms. Briski is that she wasn’t a missionary, social worker or anything of the sort. She was just there. She noticed and acted. She did not give up, she did not talk herself out of it, she just did something because she was there. Those simple things can go a really long way.

some history

When I was 5, my parents pulled my sister and I aside to let us know about an upcoming move. We lived in Louisville, KY and my Father had accepted a position as the director of all music programs for a small, independent Baptist collage in Wisconsin. We rented out our house, the movers packed the truck and we headed off to pursue my parent’s dream of fusing ministry with their talents to disciple young people on a pastoral Christian campus.

The school was a “live in” collage with men’s and women’s dorms, duplex housing for all the teaching staff families, a lake, a chapel, class rooms, rec hall and a cafeteria all set back in a birch forest 20 minute’s drive from the nearest small town. My friends were all the staff kids. My years on the campus were full of exploring the forests and sand dunes, catching toads, swimming in the lake, riding my bike every where, building forts and trying to figure out girls.

It was a weird, wonderful place to have part of my childhood. During the school’s missionary conference I made the declaration that I would be a missionary whether God called me or not. I made my incremental commitments to Christ at the summer camp put on by the school’s students. I learned about religious control and politics which brought our time at this school to an end.

My Mom and Dad always had people over to our house. There was always some student joining us for dinner. They would throw parties for the kids. Dad formed a touring choir that would travel 2 months out of the year to promote the school and my folks especially poured into these students. They discipled and supported them, they loved them and created community. They made space even in their “off the clock” time to listen and encourage students. Some of them are missionaries and pastors and still correspond with my Dad.

Horrible accusations came from a jealous staff. We left the school. The dream over, my parent’s hearts broken, we moved back to Kentucky. Back into our old house. Dad taught music in public schools and university and Mom got secretarial work. I was 10.

Dad tells me that long before that, my parents dream was to buy a big house and run a ministry to help street people. But church people discouraged it. Then they sought to minister to young people and that was killed by the “teachers of the law.”

And here I am in Modesto, California. Another day, in another way, I seek to help and encourage street people and young people. My sons are 5 and 10. What will they say when they are 35 reflecting on the time we lived inside a church and Mom and Dad worked with this crazy group called YWAM, chasing a crazy dream? Will they remember that we were faithful? Will they remember our dreams? What will they have to fight through and for? How will this time shape their future?

My Dad was my best man in our wedding. His toast was simple. Glass raised in the very building I now live in he said, quoting a favorite song, “May all who come behind us find us faithful.” Amen.